Uzumaki Naruto Monogatari
by xxEmoxTwilighterxx
Summary: The Tales of Naruto Uzumaki Oneshots focused on Naruto, or involving Naruto. : Includes yaoi, and possibly yuri in later oneshots, so be warned! Rated T for now! :3
1. MadaNaru: My Little Kitsune

**And... here's a randomly written yaoi one-shot. Main pairing: MadaNaru | One-sided: SasuNaru**

"I don't need you to protect me," he said through gritted teeth. His cerulean eyes glared at the other man balefully.

The other man chuckled softly, darkly. "But, my little kitsune, you need me more than you realize," he said to the blonde, blue-eyed boy. The black-haired man had practically purred the words, his red eyes glinting.

The blue-eyed boy faltered slightly, his glare lessening uncertainly. Madara found himself staring into Naruto's cerulean eyes with his own bloody-red eyes. No longer under the guise of 'Tobi', Madara now had his original body back, all thanks to that greedy fool Orochimaru's Edo Tensei. The blonde in front of Madara sighed and looked at the Uchiha helplessly. _I never had a choice in the first place, did I? _were his thoughts, seen clearly on his tanned, smooth face.

Madara chuckled again and pulled Naruto against him. "No, my little kitsune... you never had a chance," the Uchiha purred darkly.

-++++-ThisIsASceneSkip-++++-

"Madara-sama," a deep voice said. ". . ._He_ is here." The voice sounded almost wistful, jealous. Madara eyed him in distaste.

"Send him _straight here_, Sasuke," he ordered, emphasizing 'straight here'. Sasuke glared at his ancestor before bowing deeply.

"Your wish, my command, _Madara-sama_," the young Uchiha murmured in an almost _mocking_ tone before disappearing in a flash of lightning. Madara sighed nearly inaudibly and turned his body towards the window again. He looked at the sky and smirked. Hearing a popping sound, his smirk widened. Arms wrapped around his chest, as a blonde head rested on his shoulder. Cerulean, slitted eyes looked into Madara's Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan.

"Yo," the blonde said, eye-smiling.

Madara gave him a tiny smile in return. "How was the mission, Naruto?" he asked, switching their positions. Naruto pouted adorably.

"Can't let me have the dominant position for one whole minute, can you?" he sulked. "But the mission went fine," he said in a louder tone. Madara smirked and licked a tattoo on the blonde's neck. It was a tattoo of Madara's Eternal Mangekyou. The blonde shivered and stretched his neck, giving Madara more room. And when their activities became more... pleasurable, their only witnesses were a certain duck-haired Uchiha whose face was contorted in envy, wrath, and agony. . .

And a moon with three rings in it, with three tomoe spinning on each ring; the moon itself was blood-red.

**Author's notes:**

_...Some of you may've noticed how dark-themed this one-shot is. No? Well, okay then..._

_Let's just say I can have very dark emotions sometimes, that need to be either taken out on people or on paper. I preferred paper at that time. . . ._

_And here's the result. You don't have to like it, I just felt like writing a MadaNaru one-shot. :3_

_Ja~_


	2. SasuNaru: Idiotic Teme

**A/N:** _**Yay, first oneshot/drabble-thing! :yayz:**_

**Warnings:**_** OOC!Kyuubi, OOC!Naruto, OOC!Everyone (practically), **_

**Disclaimer:**_** Brooke does not own Naruto. Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, so please do not sue her! [She also speaks in third person sometimes XD]**_

**Pairing(s):**_** SasuNaru, mentions of MadaKyuu**_

**Summary:**_**"Who knew Sasuke could be an idiot?" SasuNaru, timeskip, pre Hunt-for-Itachi arc**_

**IGNORE THE WAY I POSTED 'MY LITTLE KITSUNE' AGAIN IN THIS THING! I NEEDED A ONESHOT TO GET THIS STARTED AND IT SEEMED PERFECT FOR IT! SO, JUST DEAL WITH IT, 'KAY? :) PLEASE, AT LEAST. ^^**

**Ni:**

**SasuNaru: Idiotic temes**

"_Dobe,_

_I hope this repents for everything I've done in our past that has hurt you._

_Sasuke._"

Naruto dropped the letter in shock. _Kyuubi..._

**I see it, kit,** the demon growled out in his deep voice. He was pacing around in human form at the moment. When in human form, he had red hair that went up in spikes on the top of his head with the rest of the spikes pointing downward otherwise, much like Uchiha Madara's hair. His slitted, red eyes were narrowed in thought. He had three sketchy, black whiskers on each cheek. **That Uchiha dares to send a letter to you, after all he has done!** You see, Kyuubi was very protective of his kit, and when the Uchiha had left, Naruto had been heartbroken. Especially when most of his friends had shunned him.

The only ones who had stuck beside him were Nara Shikamaru, Hatake Kakashi, Umino Iruka, Akimichi Chouji, Hyuuga Neji, Inuzuka Kiba, Rock Lee, Tenten, Sabaku no Gaara, Sabaku no Temari, Sabaku no Kankuro, and (secretly) his slightly crazy uncle, Pein (who was the 'Leader' of Akatsuki, the organization supposedly after him). Naruto had learned a long time ago that Akatsuki's main goal was peace for the world, and with him working together with Pein, they had no need to force him to help them. Naruto still got creeped out by some of the members, though. Namely Sasuke's older brother, who would creepily pop up from behind you at random times to say something before disappearing again.

'Tobi' had introduced himself as Uchiha Madara, something that had given Naruto a major headache, seeing as Kyuubi (in demon form at that time) wouldn't stop roaring curses at the man. Naruto later asked Kyuubi about that and all Kyuubi said was, "_**He took advantage of me when I was weakened, once. And in a different way he did so again sixteen years ago...**_" Naruto was angry at hearing that, but gave the man a shit-eating grin in return, saying, "_Why, __hello__, Madara-san. Kyuubi says that he'll rip you to shreds and eat you whole next times he sees you._" Madara had slightly paled at that before excusing himself.

Back to the present, the blond jinchuuriki was staring with slitted, purple eyes at the letter clenched in his hands. _This calls for face-to-face action,_ Naruto growled mentally.

**Just be careful, **Kyuubi warned.

Naruto grinned widely, showing off his enlarged canines. _When am I ever not?_ he retorted with a mental smirk.

**My point exactly...**

**==Sceneskip==**

"Sasuke-kun, I feel a huge chakra signature closing in on us," a red-headed female with equally red irises informed one Uchiha Sasuke. Her name was Karin, and the white-haired male beside her was Hozuki Suigetsu. The orange-haired male by Sasuke was named Juugo.

Sasuke's black eyes narrowed as he focused in on the signature. He froze, stumbled, fell, and paled. Suigetsu was holding back laughter at his leader's expression. Karin looked extremely worried. Juugo was talking to a bird. "W-what's... _**he**_doing here!" Sasuke questioned rhetorically. Karin was about to ask who, when a person spoke up in a creepy, rapist, Orochimaru-style voice.

"_Oh... Sasuke-teme... You have some answers to give me,_" one Uzumaki Naruto creepily said. He mentally applauded himself on his mixture of Orochimaru's, Itachi's, Kisame's, and Zetsu's voices. Kyuubi was laughing his ass off in human form.

**I haven't had this much entertainment in a long damn time!** he chortled. Naruto ignored him and focused his creepy face on Sasuke, who paled even more.

Naruto's face had a creepy, wide grin on his face with slight drool coming out of the corner of his lips in an insane fashion. His now red eyes were widened with craziness. Overall, he looked Gaara when he was in the Chuunin Exams, fighting Rock Lee.

Sasuke slowly turned around and looked at the creepy-looking blond, who was still grinning at him. "D-dobe?" he asked softly. Naruto's eyebrows furrowed and his crazy grin dropped. He rushed towards the raven before punching him hard in the gut.

"TEME!" he yelled. "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM! WRITING ME LETTERS, APOLOGIZING FOR THE SHIT YOU DID TO ME IN THE PAST! YOU FUCKING BAKA!" As Naruto continued his tirade, Sasuke just stared.

_When did his language get __this__ bad?_ the Uchiha questioned mentally.

"-AND WITH KONOHA PRACTICALLY ABANDONING ME AFTER YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF THE PEOPLE FINDING OUT I'M A FUCKIN' JINCHUURIKI!"**I resent that. **_Shut up._ "LEAVING ME TO PRACTICALLY JOIN THE AKATSUKI! I MEAN, MY UNCLE _MAY_ BE THE LEADER, BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE A FUCKIN' THING, JASHIN DAMMIT!" So what? He might have taken after his 'niisan', Hidan, a little, but did it really matter _that_ much?

Sasuke jolted up, grabbing the blond's shoulders abruptly. "You joined _Akatsuki_? YOU IDIOT!" Sasuke roared. "They're the same organization that's after the Kyuubi, who resides in side of you!" he reminded the blond, ignoring his teammates' faces. Naruto glared back at the raven, who was glaring at him.

"So? Do you honestly think I give a fuck?" he snarled. He pounced on Sasuke, knocked him off of him yet ending up on top of him. "_When you left I had nothing else in my life left to give me inspiration to live!_ That's when my uncle, Pein, came in! He offered me a part-time position as an Akatsuki member, since I came to them willingly. Kyuubi's not getting extracted, though Madara might try something." He muttered the last sentence, still seething.

Sasuke stared up at the blond. "Hn," was his response. Naruto fell off him in shock and surprise.

"Y-you..." he weakly laughed. "Teme..."

"Tch... dobe."

_**Brooke wrote this with only twelve hours of sleep in two days straight. *Stares unblinkingly at readers* It doesn't make sense, does it? Ah well.**_

_**The next one hopefully will. It's supposed to be drama/humor, yada-yada. I had to stop because... Brooke is very, very tired. :(**_


	3. AkatNaru: Pedophiles

**A/N:**_** Brooke is bored. When Brooke is bored; random shit spouts from her mind and ends up as a fanfic/fanart/oneshot. *Dry smirk/smile* Enjoy.**_

**Warning(s):**_** Pervertedness. Language. [The usual]**_

**Pairing(s):**_** Akatsuki x Naruto, AkatNaru**_

**San:**

**AkatNaru: Pedophiles!**

It had been a month since one Uzumaki-Namikaze Naruto had joined the Akatsuki. His reason? Konoha kicked him out, he had nowhere to go, a fish dude and Sasuke look-alike show up to capture, they suddenly act odd before knocking him out, he wakes up here, he agrees to join. Nothing special, much...

Naruto sighed, feeling Madara's chakra signature. _Kyuu..._

**It's not **_**my**_** fault, kit, that you're-** the Kyuubi no Youko was cut off by his twitching jinchuuriki.

_Oh __yes__ it __is__ your fault!_ he griped. _You're the one who made be a bishie!_

Kyuubi sniffed. **The term is 'bishounen', and I made you a hanyou. Be proud of being trained to be the next Kyuubi no Kitsune.**

_Yes. I'm oh so proud._ Did I mention Naruto had a newfound sarcasm? The blond whined mentally as he felt Madara standing behind him. He whirled around, glaring. "What?" he spat.

Madara smirked, taking off his orange mask so the blond could see the oh-so-infuriating Uchiha Smirk. "My, my... someone woke up on the wrong side of the den this morning, hmm?" he chirped in his Tobi-voice. "Is my little kitsune in a bad mood?" he then spoke in his normal, deep Madara-voice. He reached out and took the blond's face by his chin, lifting it upwards (_**A/N: If my explanation doesn't serve its purpose, then remember what Madara did to Sasuke when he was telling him Itachi's truth.**_)

Naruto's fist twitched. Oh, he wanted to hit something... or better yet, some_one_. "Urusai, Madara- _Tobi_," Naruto snarled slightly, stalking off (in the shadows, mind you; he didn't want to run into someone again) to somewhere else...

Only to run into yet another psycho; Pein. The orange-haired man raised a pierced eyebrow. "Bad mood?" he smirked lightly.

Naruto growled ferally at nothing in particular, springing up from the floor and dusting off his clothing (he had fallen to the floor when he bumped into Pein). "Why must you stalk around in the shadows?" the blond hissed, a vein popping onto his forehead.

Pein was suddenly right in front of him, smirking that damn infuriating smirk of his (much like Madara's and Itachi's). Naruto felt someone (some_ people_) behind him and glanced back before his left eye twitched uncontrollably.

"Why are your other five Paths here, _Pein?_" he asked sweetly, yet through clenched teeth. Animal Path (the Deidara look-alike) wrapped his arms around the blond, trapping him in place. "...Nagato... Don't make me scream '**rape**'. 'Cause I will," Naruto threatened. "I'm sure the others will just _enjoy_ hearing that. . . .especially _Tobi_." Deva paled slightly.

"Uh, well, would you look at the time? Heheh! I somewhere else to be!" And the six paths were gone in a flash. Naruto smirked and continued walking...

...only to, now, run straight into Itachi Uchiha. _Why am I running into people!_ he whined mentally. He jolted backwards like a scared kit at the Uchiha's rapeface.

"Oh, _hello_, Naruto," the Uchiha purred.

Naruto's fingers twitched into a slight fist. _Bloody pedophiles... all of them!_ "Itachi..."

And so poor Naruto's day went on, with him running into people and nearly getting raped each time. Poor, poor Naru-chan...

**Brooke does not need to write stuff when she's half-asleep and half-awake. *nods* Here's what just popped out of my head... Tch...**

**I was on crack, I swear. Someone must have put something in my food/drink. *shakes head***

**Ja-ne! :)**


	4. SasuNaru: Guitar Hero

**A/N:** _Requested by my mother (who I have, as of late, gotten addicted to NARUTO). Here's your oneshot._

**Warning(s):**_Language, violence with guitars... the usual, practically; 'cause honestly, Hidan's gonna be in here ^^;_

**Pairing(s):**_PeinSaku, SasuNaru (couldn't resist :3 Hehe), MadaDei ***is a fangirl of this pairing***, ItaKona_

**Summary:**___"Pein, you ass! I'll show you! _**BAM!**_" _Written for my mother who wanted a oneshot involving Pein, Naruto, Sakura, and Guitar Hero. XD

Yon:

**PeinSaku: Guitar Hero**

Bass guitar resounded through the entertainment room of the Konoha High dorms. A blond, cerulean-eyed teen with three whisker tattoos on each cheek grinned a foxy grin at a pink-haired, green-eyed female and an orange-haired, grey-eyed male. The pinkette was strumming her plastic guitar, her part of the game being the rhythm guitarist. The redhead was the main guitarist. A very reluctant, glaring black-haired teen with reddish-black eyes was 'playing' the drums.

As they wrapped up the song, titled _Beast and the Harlot_ by a metal band named _Avenged Sevenfold_, the redhead turned to the pinkette and smirked. A smug smirk that irked the pinkette. "I beat you yet again, Sakura," he announced loudly. A black head poked itself around the door to the room. The face to the head showed when the teenage male lifted his head, revealing a teen that looked around seventeen with an orange eyepatch covering his left eye. His only visible eye (his right eye) was the same color as the other black-haired teen's in the room.

"Tobi heard the music playing!" the teen said excitedly. He was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet excitedly. "Tobi thinks that Sakura-chan played wonderfully!" Tobi, since he was supposedly talking in third person, then glomped Sakura, who staggered backwards.

The redhead glared and the blond teen rested a steady hand on his shoulders. "Chillax, Pein," the blond said, grinning. "You must remember that he _is_ Tobi." It was said as if the fact was a wonder to the blond.

Pein, the orange-haired teen, sighed. "Hai, hai." He rolled his grey eyes.

"When did you become so smart, dobe?" the raven-haired teen asked the blond in a slight mocking tone, standing up from his place behind the drumset.

The blond spluttered and glared. "Teme!" he snarled, lunging at the raven, who side-stepped. The blond went crashing to the ground. "T-that was on purpose." He stood up, his eyes swirly.

The raven snorted. "Hn."

"Sasuke," yet another black-haired teen with the same color eyes said, entering the room and carefully stepping over the pile of black and pink that was Tobi and Sakura (who was struggling to get the four-year-old-like male off of her). "The... _blond_... is outside," the male said with slight disgust and... horror? He had two weasel-like marks running down his cheeks.

Sasuke, the one who had played the drums, snorted in disgust. "That's just Ino."

"I can't believe she's _still_ your fangirl, even after figuring out you're with Naruto," Sakura, now having pried Tobi off of her body, grimaced. Tobi was now clinging to her leg, looking like a lost puppy.

Naruto, the blond, shot up and looked at Sasuke with adorable, chibi eyes. Sasuke swore he saw a pair of kitsune (fox) ears on the blond's head, and a fluffy blond kitsune tail swishing behind him. "W-why did you h-hurt me, Sasuke-kun?" he said in a broken, sad voice that dripped with depression. The ears that apparently only Sasuke saw drooped in sadness.

Sasuke faltered slightly before his black eyes narrowed. "Dobe..." he growled. Naruto smirked.

"Your expression!" he bursted out laughing. The blond was soon rolling on the floor with laughter. Sasuke's eyebrow twitched.

The weasel-like raven in the room sighed before nodding to Pein, who was glaring at Tobi. "Pein," he greeted.

Pein glanced at him. "Itachi." He went back to glaring at the clingy Tobi.

"I'll take care of him," Itachi sighed. He walked over to Tobi, squatted down, and looked the teen in the eye. After five seconds, Tobi squealed and high-tailed it out of the room. Sakura stared.

"How...? You know what? I don't wanna know," she decided after seeing Itachi's small, sadistic smirk.

"Good answer," he mumbled. Sakura whacked him upside the head.

"Now help me up?" she asked in a sugarly-sweet voice that scared those that heard. Oh yes, she had just remembered what happened with Pein. Itachi quickly helped her up.

"I'll be going now." Itachi was out the doors in less than five seconds.

Naruto held up a stopwatch that he randomly took out of nowhere. "That's a new record," he commented, amazed. Sasuke Hn'ed. He wished he had had a camera at the moment...

Sakura stalked towards Pein, anger on her face. She grabbed Naruto's guitar and waved it threateningly at Pein. "PEIN! YOU ASSHOLE! I call a rematch!" **BAM!** She slammed the guitar over his head.

"ITAII!" Sasuke and Naruto winced as the redheaded-male staggered back with swirly eyes.

"What'd I do!" he yelped. Sakura fumed.

"**SEXIST!**"she roared. She stepped, with a creepy smile, back to examine her work after beating him up. "That'll teach 'im."

Naruto shuddered as he saw the smile. _At least it's not me anymore..._

**Does it make sense? Dunno.**

**Do I care? Not at the moment.**

**Am I a morning person? Hell no.**

**Buh-bye...**


End file.
